Intro

This diary was written in the days of a big storm whilst stuck in a tiny camp waiting for the snow to get a hard crust on. I was about 10 km from Batel at the big glacier and superb bouldering area of Bara shigari when the storm struck but its on the other side of the river which has no road or big paths. Crossing the main Chandra river in this valley is impossible in the summer months - usually until October when the glaciers stop melting and the level of water drops to about waist deep at the open flat sections. From my camp it was a km or so to the river but it's not an open flat section so not possible to cross without swimming. That flatter place would be 3 km up the valley. The terrain is lots of very small valleys and gullies with boulders big and small everywhere. When the snow first started so heavily everyone in the valley left their tents and camps and got to the bigger tents of either Batel or Chattru and relative safety. Everyone except me.

DAY 1 - BARA SHIGARI, FRIDAY 18th SEPTEMBER 2008

Raining all day my goofa (cave/tent) holds up okay only some drips around the edges of the crash pad. This place is not a proper cave just two stone walls with a plastic sheet stretched between and held in place by stones.

DAY 2 - SATURDAY. SNOWING

Changes to snow about mid morning and starts to come on really thick. I go for a walk to find a better more snow proof goofa but although I look at a lot of fantastic boulders with very nice lines on overhanging walls there are no real square cut roofs to provide a better protection from this hard snow. At the end of the walk I'm struggling through the stuff in a white out completely encrusted and glad to get back to what I have which is still dry but needs constant clearing with a plate to stop the top from caving in. If that happens its a problem. When I look at how its building up it feels like a trap as I go inside this tiny place but walking the 10 km back to Batel now? No way.

NIGHT TIME. SNOWING

The night is snowing very heavily like I've never seen before. I have to clear the roof every 20 minutes no chance to sleep if I leave the plastic sheet roof alone its gone quickly and my protection is lost. Every time I have to go out again as the build up at the sides is so quick and has to be cleared to give any room for the next snow I scrape from the top. Completely wet and its now impossible to control the drips and inevitably my crash pad and sleeping bag gets wet also. I keep making brews and moving all the time to keep warm. When it starts to get light the snow has got to 4 feet built up already.

DAY 3 - SUNDAY. SNOWING

Full snowing now with no breaks in the sky. This is grim as hell I don't know what to do except keep scraping the roof sheet every time to keep myself moving some how. I have keep warm and survive so I start with the plate a frenzy of digging just to get a space in front of the entrance. I've never seen this type of snow falling so fast about 1 foot every 2 hours it's out of control, so scary. I'm trapped in this massive place Bara shigari and the stress is getting to me. What to do? How to get out? No answers to any questions only survive now not get too cold or something. But during my frenzied night digging and clearing I've got one finger which is really wierd and numb. I'm trying to calculate in my mind about the snow levels but am boggled by the reality of it. If comes 4 feet in one day and night and it goes for 3 days ( quite often here storms go for 3days) then it becomes 12 or 15 feet !! Its a ridiculous prospect, something has to change. During the day it carries on but doesn't seem to be the same type of snow more sticky somehow. Maybe its just getting colder now but it still carries on there are no breaks in the sky. In the morning I was digging for a couple of hours otherwise I could imagine suffocating in here its only 3 feet high. In the space I cleared only a few inches extra is there compared to the few feet from the night before. Thats a good sign.

NIGHT TIME. EVERYTHING SOAKED

When the night comes I realize that I'm going to struggle to be warm enough as almost everythingI have is wet. Sleeping bag, jackets, pants, crash pad. The one slightly dry place is in the back corner and everything is piled there with my sac on top which is the only other thing slightly dry. My feet and legs are so cold now so I stuff my whole legs into the sac but unfortunately I can't disappear into this rucsac its just not big enough. I force my upper body into the stoney steps of the dry bit then pile all my things on top including the now very damp cold sleeping bag. After 20 minutes I start to convulse and tremble my body is so cold and I have to move and make a brew its the only thing I can do to get a bit warmer. With some bits of semi dry horse shit and kerosene it makes a small fire for a short time so I can put my feet and hands into that with steam coming from everywhere. The worst thing is my waist and stomach which is freezing bringing my overall temperature down too much. I just have to keep going through this night somehow its just brew after brew but I have to take care with fuel its a limited amount which I have. In a few short days it will be gone, but I will also be gone by then I think. Totally Gone!

I am searching through my 'medical kit' desperate to find something to help me and make me warmer but am too scared to take anything. In Hampi we always joke about 'heat tablets' but now i could do with something like that.

When I turn on the radio its a guy being interviewed about the financial and banking collapse on wall street, poor fellow has has lost his job and all. He was doing so well making millions every week and now its gone he's depressed. He's depressed !? Sitting in a nice warm room in complete safety and he's depressed. I hope that he is suicidal. This is the week of the investment banks collapsing one after another and I actually like to hear about these greedy pompous idiots falling in the shit. Hopefully it will get much worse I imagine and spread all over the world in the next months. Then orders will dry up for the granite and iron ore mines which have ravaged the forest areas of India that i love. I have music and can alter my mood for the better with that. I still have a lot of energy now but can do nothing at all with it, if I try to walk to Batel now I will certainly perish on the way.

Its still snowing I have to survive the night and thats it which means staying firmly in the moment to avoid the drips and keep scraping the plastic roof. I feel like I've made a huge mistake at the beginning. Instead of going looking for a better place and staring at boulder problems for hours in the first snows I should have just bailed at that moment blasting through to Batel in the first 2 feet or so. I WOULD have made it then for sure but now I cant move and for how long ? I can never walk out in this now 5 feet of soft snow it would have to thaw then freeze allowing me to walk on top but how long will that take? 1 clear day and one night maybe? But now its just speculation it seems so very far in the future.

When I think of Hampi and all the beautiful problems and caves it seems so far away from me then I realize I'm actually starting to accept the possibility of missing out. A good bit of me now thinks this year I won't arrive in Hampi. I've fucked it all up.

DAY 4. TRY TO WALK

When the clouds start to lift the absolute beauty of this desolate and now silenced place is almost unreal. Even if I still can't move or do anything to get out it hugely lifts my spirits giving me hope. Then it starts all these massive avalanches completely crashing through the steepness where the road used to be from Chota dara to Batel. Nobody will try to walk while thats happening. When I saw it I thought maybe they won't even try to clear this road but just save the people from the main 3 places in the valley by helicopter (they have done that before) but they certainly won't be coming here.

I can hardly believe that the storm is over the great relief is just to get warm and dry but I still can't move until a bit of thaw and the big freeze of tonight. If it stays clear it will happen tonight for sure and in the morning I'll be on my way back to Batel. I have to wait but everything is out of the goofa to dry. Its a strong sun and I even Imagine its melting some of the snow.

For fun I try to walk a bit and just fall to my chest and neck in this debilitating mush. I'm not going anywhere in this ! The silence is so different now. The place always has a kind of background sound but now this white blanket has silenced everything even that unexplainable one. When I put my music I have to turn it down much more than normal such is the level of the silence. The whole valley is sleeping ! Where is everybody ? Do they know something ? What is the weather forecast ? Why are they not clearing the road with the bulldozer digging machine. Where are all the helicopters buzzing back and forth saving people? They must all be in Batel and Chattru and all the road labourers ? I need to be there with them not stuck here in this little trap.

DAY 5. SNOWING. FUEL LOW

OH no. No freeze ! It clouded up again in the night preventing any proper freeze up. When I wake up its snowing heavily again this time lying and building up quickly to add to the horrendous bulk. Now I'm looking at the small amount of kerosene and fuel I have and wondering about tommorow. I have enough for one more cooked meal of dhal rice and a brew perhaps. I can't sleep tonight if its heavy. I have to keep clearing the top or I'm sure it will cave in quickly. Then I freeze. I have to try not to get so crusted and soaked whilst scraping the roof thats what did for me the last time. Now these vicious spindrift winds come flying through the entrance soaking and icing me up that way as well. The only way to stop it is by blocking the entrance with my sac but then I dont have it dry to put feet in like last time. I have to stay awake tonight but now with the heavy snow I don't feel tired as the fear is keeping me totally wired as I get closer to some type of point. The drips start again which means at least I can collect water to drink but its a strange type of water this all full of dust. In a way I want the drips to stop as it must be clear skies so cold then everything will freeze. I have to keep hoping for that its actually my only hope. Every so often I get a strange rush of hope like now just because the falling flakes have slowed down just a bit. I imagine for a moment that everything will be okay somehow I will get through this. If ONLY I had more fuel I could imagine waiting longer but without its just desperate.

Now when I hit the roof the snow sticks in a different way than before its a drier colder type of snow. What does that mean ? The drips are less as well I guess its just getting colder. The first night of heavy snow I had fuel to make brews all the time. now i don't have that.

NIGHT TIME. SNOWING

The sound is less from the roof but it may be just because its caked on. Should I sleep or is it too risky? Its still snowing. When I imagine waking up to the plastic sheet cave in scenario it alarms me so much I don't want to sleep anytime at all. I already have a dehydration headache and the mood swings are unbelievable. What if it clears up during the night I should surely get up and bail an hour before sunrise as if its ever possible to walk on top of this mush it wont be for long. The only place to cross from here is 3 km or so up towards Batel where it flattens out but I've never tried to cross there before. here its just very narrow and rocky I would end up swimming. That would be bad.

DAY 6. FUEL GONE. TRY TO WALK

Just got back here from my attempt to walk. I got up early to try and make it at least as far as the river. NO chance. In over an hour of 'walking' when I looked back I was less than 200 metres from my goofa and completely drained. Now my legs and back are burning and I know the real truth. In this myriad maze of small hills, boulders and gullies I cant know where the deeper wind blown sections are. Then its so deep up to the neck, hopeless. Its still fully cloudy so no chance of the thaw freeze for tomorrow also. I'm also reaching some kind of point now. No chance for any proper food or water except trying to eat this sampa flour and trying to melt the snow in my mouth and hands. There is always a chance that a helicopter passes from Batel and I can flag it down but I'm not fooling myself I know its such a tiny chance. But I'm still here. Falling up to the neck in the snow and fighting every step it was so frustrating to try and walk. I cant move now , I'm exhausted. Some type of big sleep beckons now and becomes an almost inviting prospect compared to that walking/swimming thing. Maybe I lose a lot of energy in 2 more days like this anyway more snow or not.. Now it looks again dark down the valley towards Chattru the next dump of snow will surely settle everything . I'm so fucking thirsty with no water no more drips coming now.

MIDDAY.

Just did the sampa flour and snow thing again which works in some way giving some energy but makes me feel cold also. On my walk this morning I got the little ridge between me and the river. from there I was straining my vision to see 2 shapes where the road used to be. Vehicles abandoned they must have been there all the time. But even if I get there is there anything I could use somehow as a kind of snow shoe. There must be something there the dashboard or bits of luggage or something. Could people still be inside ? NO. Nobody would have stayed in the vehicle as soon as the wheels started spinning the people must have run to batel in the very beggining of the storm ?! If only i could somehow cross the river here but thats so dangerous.

HOPE

I feel somehow detached right now and after the exertion of the morning walk and emotions of the last days I'm just all washed out, worried out and I'll just take what comes now thats it. In a way i'd rather die here in my sleeping bag drifting off to music than up to my neck in snow exhausted and only one quarter of the way to Batel ! Its only mid morning or so but the valley is again a complete white out and its snowing again. Its hard to stay positive when the weather is not settled ,changing all the time, trying to keep eating the white stuff but somehow the taste is so different to normal water, almost tastes metallic. keep thinking about those abandoned vehicles I'd like to reach there somehow even if its the last ditch effort but know I can't cross the river here and batel or Chota Dara is just too far on this side in these conditions. I cant afford to get wet again as I know what that means for the next night. The snow falls heavy no wind in silence now.

CHANGE DOWN

I have to adopt a mind set which will help me get through this whatever happens. It feels most terrible when I'm frustrated at not being able to do anything but then during those moments of absolute detachment and serenity its okay again. So I have to not care as much after all what will be and there is NOTHING I can do about this weather.

MIDDAY NEWS. SNOWING

Just as the clouds lift a bit showing some gaps it all closes in again. White up the valley, white down the valley and white falling more from sky. If it really clears I know I have chance but its just not happening at all. I caught bits of the 'all India' midday news and it said about huge floods and rains in Orissa and western U.P. so the weather really is going crazy all over North India just now. Then I caught it through bad fuzzy reception, people have been AIRLIFTED to safety from SPITI LAHAUL she said it. So??? What does it mean? That Batel is more likely to be empty ? Probably. I wish I could see a satellite map or some type of forecast at least it would put my mind at rest whatever even if its bad I'd just like to know ! Physically I'm starting to slow down which makes me feel sad but I'm still okay and sure the sampa flour will keep me going as its so hard to eat that the bag will last a long time no doubt. The snow is coming down.

2-30 pm. SNOWING

Now fully closed in and heavy snow with big flakes making it rise so quickly, just as the levels were stabilizing its a massive setback. Its getting warmer again the drips are starting but its like a slow torture now as my energy levels are going down. I can hardly be bothered to clear the roof and just want to sleep for a long time.

DAY 7. SKIES CLEARING. MAKE SNOWSHOES

Sleeping like a stone and no roof cave in during the night. It was snowing and I passed out. Yesterday no thaw during the day so the snow is in the same condition still totally soft. Full sun all day then clear night tonight and its definitely on though for tomorrow morning. Its about time !! yesterday I was just staring at my gear for ages and got an idea. If the snow stays soft the only way I will walk is if I can somehow increase the surface area of my feet ! I tore apart my rucsac and pad to make some sort of snowshoe things. Now I feel like I will go tomorrow even it stays soft. I just have to go.

A helicopter just went passed it's the first one I've seen but quite high up they wont see me on the way to Batel. Then something serious occurs to me. What if that helicopter is just getting the people out from Batel ? if I walk to batel and its empty there ? I have to get DOWN the valley towards Chota dara and Chattru not up. But first I have to go the wrong way UP the valley to find a place to cross the huge main river. Then back down otherwise walk all the way on this side and sure I know a crossing place 1.5 km from Chota dara. decisions decisions. Crucial to make the right choice.

Then I had seen it. On my homemade snowshoe test run I had almost reached the small ridge and there are 4 figures near to the abandoned vehicles its the first people Ive seen trying to walk. They were making such slow progress and resting for ages next to the abandoned vehicles. When it was good weather today they have decided to go. They can't get lost as easily on the roadside just keep plodding on except for the avalanched sections, but its late now maybe midday and you can bet they started very early morning from Batel. Its still such soft snow they are making slow time but it doesn't matter. They should make it from there before dark and they are doing all the hardest work. Cutting the first tracks is the hardest. I just have to reach the steps they make !! I feel so positive now just try to keep hydrated today keep eating the flour. All the time the black clouds are starting to build up again in Chattru side, oh dear. Whatever the weather its action tomorrow I will try to move I'm slowing down too much now feel too relaxed.

MID AFTERNOON. SNOWING

Its happened again I cant believe it. All clouded up again and the first flakes start to fall. Those people walking will not have arrived yet in Chota dara. It must be grim for them now and they may be the ones crushing open the first steps ! My last hope is that it clears with the cold of the night if it doesn't its big trouble as the air will be warmer, no big freeze. I just want the night to come now the suspense is unbearable its only 2-30. But I've still got the snow shoe things now I'm going whatever happens. Its falling now how much comes down is so crucial now. I'm so tense its ridiculous. But the thaw has happened already and it feels cold now , maybe it willl freeze anyway even if it is cloudy ? Om mane padme om. I keep saying over and over.

NIGHT TIME 7pm. CLEAR SKIES

COMPLETE SILENCE. no wind no snow sky half clear, only a few inches fell I'm sure. Soon it starts blowing around this huge plateau, spindrift night winds. I think Its going to be an absolute freeze up tonight.

DAY 8. THE DAY OF DEPARTURE

Got moving at first light after some mouthfulls of snow and sampa. Took about ten minutes to get the shoes onto my feet like rock hard ice blocks. It must have been minus 20. Full windy through the night I dont care just stay clear. The surface is hard like predicted. Its the first time! It feels fantastic to move so fast on top and I'm at the planned crossing place in no time. But I dont know the best place and keep re deciding as always when I'm standing at the good place another one nearby always looks so much better. So psyched for this my feet are so cold but have to wait for the sun to do this crossing, can hardly feel my toes and havn't even touched the water yet. I feel like a mad dog now, just have to wait. It takes an age for the sun to come over a huge peak above me but when the first rays hit I'm stripped off and ready to cross. So numb after a few seconds but I go slowly to avoid slipping or losing balance in the strong current a big mistake. In this water i can't feel my feet at all so have to take care where to place them on the smooth uneven stones underneath. It goes really well and I'm screaming with relief when I reach the other side.. Sure I know I'm going to do it now I have to just get to those tracks before the clear sun takes effect and the melt sets in.

When I join up with the road its got steps but they are almost full with the powder and spindrift of yesterday. Still on the top on the hard crust and can see I'm the first person to be able to do it. This was the first day of the hard crust since the storm began over a week ago. The road is an absolute mess every few hundred meters another half buried abandoned vehicle.

In between on the steep bits there are big avalanches which have covered bits of the road with huge amounts, you can't even see where the road was at those places. In the sun it quickly begins to soften and about 3 km from Chotadara i'm breaking through so take the slow steps instead. I see somebody on the road ahead and become very excited as its the first people I will have seen since the whole thing began. When I get closer I suspect something, the person is just much too still. Then I'm standing over him and his eyes are still semi open. He's dead. I thought it was one of them who I saw trying to walk the day before. If only they had waited one more day. perfect walking conditions with the magical hard crust.

I thought any dead bodies would be UNDER the snow not on top, people who tried to go in the soft stuff but they will probably be found later.

CHOTA DARA

I get to chota dara and the guy gives me a chai. I mix with it sampa flour. Its so good after the dry cold stuff and I feel energy coming back. After just half an hour the first mountain rescue people arrive and inform me that for the last 3 days the bulldozer has been working to clear between Chattru and Chota Dara. It will arrive in 1 hour he says. Then a vehicle will come for these 10 or 12 people in CD who look completely trashed much more than me. They cant see most of them are just holding they're faces and damp cloths over swollen weeping eyes. Snowblind! I tell them about the dead body. That doesn't cheer them up. Then I realize why... of course its their friend and they knew very well that he had not arrived with them but had not gone back to look for him. He was only a km or so up the road from Chotadara!! Then the bulldozer arrives and just behind lots of these very fresh looking mountain rescue fellows with biscuits. One of them tells me it was the worst September snow for 52 years! It had taken 3 full days just to cut through from Chattru to Chotadara only 17km ! another 3 to Batel. Altogether it will take about 9 days from Gramphu to Batel. A lot of people are trapped there including our friend Khan the bus conductor who's bus is stuck just 2km before the village. The only people who were helped with airlifts out like I heard on the radio were a trekking group all foreigners on Baralacha pass out from Batel passed Chandratal lake. Thats bloody typical. Then I get the lift to Chattru with the trashed labourers and arrive before dark just in time to get absolutely steaming drunk on arra with my old friend Laloo in Chandra dabba. I feel so happy, so lucky. Its a massive release of tension. Everybody in the valley had crazy epics and stories in the last week. Laloo knew I was in Bara Shigari but didn't know when and if I was coming back to Chattru at all.

For me one of the most remarkable things about the whole ordeal is the sampa......... I hadn't asked for it in Batel when I was there getting rice dal alu and stuff but he gave a huge bag of it and told me he didnt want money for that! Why did he do that? Does he do that everyday? That act which was the one thing which helped me so much as I had nothing else that didn't require cooking so for 2 days only that sampa. It was a feeling thing, just a feeling. Some people in the mountains have a special connection and I think my friend Dorje in batel is one of them. He must have known or at least suspected something. Thats all I can think.